I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
