The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
