You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
