I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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