it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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