Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
