btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize