Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize