I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My penis needs a shock collar
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
