You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
