You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
