if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
