All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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