Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize