Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
