What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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