xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
