Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
