our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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