playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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