When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
