So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's official drugs can't kill me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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