Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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