I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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