It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
