so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
