i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize