i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If i come over, it means nothing
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
