Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
