ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
