i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
