Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
