Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
