I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
