When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
