hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
