first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
