Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
