if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
