Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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