just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
