these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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