he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
