I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize