Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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