how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
