I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
