Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
