New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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