i was born a porn star she said
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
