I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize