I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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