could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
