you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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