It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
