he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
