i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
