bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
